its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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