Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize