actually, I'm a sock model
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
