Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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