So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
