I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize