yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
