I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize