Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
