i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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