I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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