Soap is not a condiment
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
