He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
