i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
