Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
