I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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