remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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