Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
