After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
