she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize