VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
