he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
