at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
