she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
