so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
