Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
