he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize