get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
