two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
