I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
