I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
