omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
