I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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