Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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