hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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