New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Less talking, more tequila
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
