in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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