so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
