I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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