Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
