you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
