glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
