:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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