mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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