She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
