I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
