he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize