Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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