So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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