You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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