I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I smell stomach acid.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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