is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
