I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
