Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
