Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
