There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
