My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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