I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
