Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
