Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
True strength comes from lack of pants
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
