She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize