He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
