You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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