he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
