I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize