Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize