his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
