I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
