Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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