My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
