Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
