She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
