I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
