It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
