Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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