The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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