Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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