So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
