Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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