just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize