And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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