Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
