I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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