yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize