Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
