Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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