NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
