Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
